Thursday, July 16, 2009
Grrrrr... angry!
Weighed myself today and was 69.9 kg that's up 1.1 dam kg since Wednesday!! Buggar that earthquake and stress eating. But no one forced the food down my throat it was all my doing. While I was in the shower getting all upset I realised in November it will be exactly 10 years since I started losing weight - when I weighed in at 114kg. It made me realise enough is enough - 1o years is too long to for this weight to be ruling my life. Because believe me it has - over the years I have stayed at home instead of going out with friends, I have had to sit at things and fight the desire to eat the yummy food, I have lived and breathed weight loss and all the feelings that go with it. Now don't get me wrong sometimes it was easy and I breezed through it - but other times it was the opposite and life sucked. Unfortunately I have been one of the people who has put life on hold until the weight is off. And that is so wrong. I've had enough of the weight ruling me - from now on I rule it and I'm going to live my life to the full. Yes I want to get the 8kg off and I will do it. I've joined an online weight challenge for six weeks to motivate me and I will continue to do the best I can. But I deserve to live - weight should not rule my life like it has. No more - I've sacrificed 10 years of my life to this - yes it was important and I am proud of my achievement but I am sick of it always being on my mind, always stressing about what I put in my mouth, always stressing about going out and being tempted. It wasn't always like this - I could go out and make good choices - it's just at the moment again that it is so hard. But then if I think back a number of times in my journey I've put on ten kilo and then taken them off again and more, and then done it again!! Will I ever learn. But weight has always been an issue with me right from the horrible bullying I received at school because of it when I was young. God knows I know I have a distorted view of myself because of all of this. But I am strong - I just need to ride this out - it's happened before and I've come through the other side so why not this time. It's what I want. But I also want to live and be happy and not avoid things. I will do this and I will do it by November and this time I will maintain. At least I haven't put it all back on!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Oh well ...
Since I last blogged all days have been on track - all water, exercise and food great. So yesterday I went grocery shopping and decided to buy rice crackers and muesli bars again and be strong and have them in the house. Was going fine until 9.20pm when we had a 7.8 earthquake - now that was scary! I hate them and was so scared that another one was going to come that to make myself happy and soothe myself I ate the all the rice crackers and the muesli bars while reading a book! It makes me happy and is soothing but is not good! Now I'm not saying that's ok but at least they were healthier options and now they are all gone and I'm not buying anymore! And at least I recognise why I ate them and today is a new day and at least my attitude is more positive in that I am going to stick to points today - before I would have had another few days of bingeing before pulling my head in. But not this time thank you very much! I am better than that and I owe myself more.
Last weight was 68.8 and I'm not going back over 70 ever again thank you very much! Baby steps it is all the way. I have gone a week binge free and pts wise what I ate last night was no worse than what I used to eat after my weekly weigh ins when I was first losing the weight. After weigh in I allowed myself whatever I wanted for tea and if I wanted lollies or junk food I had it too! Worked for me and I still lost all my 52 kgs. So last night was just a treat day and today is a new day with water, exercise and tracking points. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it. Wish me luck!
Last weight was 68.8 and I'm not going back over 70 ever again thank you very much! Baby steps it is all the way. I have gone a week binge free and pts wise what I ate last night was no worse than what I used to eat after my weekly weigh ins when I was first losing the weight. After weigh in I allowed myself whatever I wanted for tea and if I wanted lollies or junk food I had it too! Worked for me and I still lost all my 52 kgs. So last night was just a treat day and today is a new day with water, exercise and tracking points. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it. Wish me luck!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Missing in action
Been awol for a couple of days but never fear am definitely still on the healthy living band wagon. Have exercised for 45 min each day, drunk the water and stuck to 20 pts. Scales continue to go down and I was 68.7kg this morning. For first time in long time I'm feeling positive again and believe I can do it instead of pretending I believe that I can do it!! Turned over my weight watchers inspirations calandar yesterday and the quote was "No matter how far done the wrong road you have gone - turn back". How very apt for me and how very true it is.
I have some little goals to meet along the way to 62kg which is keeping me focussed as they are close intervals and therefore seem achievable. First goal is to get to 66.5 kg which was my leaving weight before my overseas trip so that is only 2.2 kg away. Following that I want to get to 64.5kg which is what I was on my return home. Next is to be under 64 kg as that is my allowed 2 kg buffer under the weight watchers programme. Finally I'll get to 62 kg. So there you have it baby steps along the way while I am taking baby steps to ensure I achieve them. Sticking to basics is working - long may it last. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it.
I have some little goals to meet along the way to 62kg which is keeping me focussed as they are close intervals and therefore seem achievable. First goal is to get to 66.5 kg which was my leaving weight before my overseas trip so that is only 2.2 kg away. Following that I want to get to 64.5kg which is what I was on my return home. Next is to be under 64 kg as that is my allowed 2 kg buffer under the weight watchers programme. Finally I'll get to 62 kg. So there you have it baby steps along the way while I am taking baby steps to ensure I achieve them. Sticking to basics is working - long may it last. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Doing ok
So today has seen me walk for 45 minutes, drink those four glasses of water and here's the tracking
Breakfast - Muesli and milk 3.5 pts
Lunch - Sushi 4.5pts
Snacks - Kiwifruit 1pt, licorice 2 pts
Tea - Toasted sandwhiches 6pts
17/20 so far.
I am having such trouble sleeping lately which I think has led to my overeating. Take last night for example light off at 9.55pm - still tossing and turning at 11.55pm. Since I had last eaten about 5hrs earlier I was so hungry - actually stomach rumbling hungry which was not helping the sleeping situation. Was gutted but had to have some toast and jam for 3 pts after which I went to sleep straight away. When I think back this has been happening for ages and when I had food like muesli bars, rice crackers in the house I'd just eat the whole lot at night in bed becaause I'd think what the hell I'm over points may as well eat them all. I put on weight of course which spiralled me into more overeating on crap during the day. I can not buy my favourite snacks any more even though they are ultra healthy because I just have no self control and eat the whole lot in one go - I was eating a box of muesli bars and packet of rice crackers and whatever else was around. This is so not me - at the moment not having it in the house is helping hugely but sad to think that it has come to this. So last night meant the only choices were bread or fruit. I was so upset at having to eat but it was physical hunger and not boredom or emotional eating - and at least I stopped at two pieces of toast and not 4 or 6 like I would have last week. So this morning I weighed myself and I was 70.1 down from 70.7 the day before so at least that showed me I could spend exercise pts without stuffing up loss. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back in the 60's. Normally I don't weigh myself each day at all as it can mess with my head seriously but at the moment it's a bit of accountability for stopping bingeing because I don't want to see a gain. I tell you it is such baby steps but worth doing it. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it!
Breakfast - Muesli and milk 3.5 pts
Lunch - Sushi 4.5pts
Snacks - Kiwifruit 1pt, licorice 2 pts
Tea - Toasted sandwhiches 6pts
17/20 so far.
I am having such trouble sleeping lately which I think has led to my overeating. Take last night for example light off at 9.55pm - still tossing and turning at 11.55pm. Since I had last eaten about 5hrs earlier I was so hungry - actually stomach rumbling hungry which was not helping the sleeping situation. Was gutted but had to have some toast and jam for 3 pts after which I went to sleep straight away. When I think back this has been happening for ages and when I had food like muesli bars, rice crackers in the house I'd just eat the whole lot at night in bed becaause I'd think what the hell I'm over points may as well eat them all. I put on weight of course which spiralled me into more overeating on crap during the day. I can not buy my favourite snacks any more even though they are ultra healthy because I just have no self control and eat the whole lot in one go - I was eating a box of muesli bars and packet of rice crackers and whatever else was around. This is so not me - at the moment not having it in the house is helping hugely but sad to think that it has come to this. So last night meant the only choices were bread or fruit. I was so upset at having to eat but it was physical hunger and not boredom or emotional eating - and at least I stopped at two pieces of toast and not 4 or 6 like I would have last week. So this morning I weighed myself and I was 70.1 down from 70.7 the day before so at least that showed me I could spend exercise pts without stuffing up loss. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back in the 60's. Normally I don't weigh myself each day at all as it can mess with my head seriously but at the moment it's a bit of accountability for stopping bingeing because I don't want to see a gain. I tell you it is such baby steps but worth doing it. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Friday
One whole week of holidays gone and little to show for it - though I guess my marking and assessment from last term is up to date. As for planning for Term 3 - well we'll get there. Had so wanted to get it done this week but with hospital visits it just didn't turn out that way. Somethings are more important anyway.
Food for today so far
Breakfast - Cheese and Marmite on toast 5pts
Lunch - Cheese and Marmite on toast 3.5 pts (oh the variety of my diet) WW cookie 1.5pts
Snack - 2 pieces Cadbury choc 1pt (found in car so had to get rid off!! but hey I'm tracking it)
Water - four glasses so achieved that goal and not having anymore with the amount of times I've had to go to the toilet!!
Tea - Prawn stirfry with singapore noodles 5ts
Snack - Milkshake 2 pts Licorice 2 pts
20/20 for the day and I went for a 45 min walk.
Coming on here is good for my accountabilty even if noone ever reads it lol! How do people find out about new blogs - guess I'll have to stop being a lurker on the blogs I follow so that they may comment on mine. Anyway it's enough just to be a bit more accountable to myself anyway. I'm going to keep on going to Monday Weight Watchers meetings - I work as a weigher on Thursdays but you don't get much of a chance to listen in on meetings so will make effort to go on Mondays - she's a good leader and hey it's free so I'm silly not to take advantage of that. There have been a few lifetimers return lately to that meeting so at least I'm not alone in my journey.
I'm not so grumpy today but it's a challenge to stay on track - just can't understand once it was so easy - I lived and breathed weight watchers and always made the best choices - now it's the opposite and such an exhausting fight/battle to even stick to points and not rush out and buy junk food! Why I ask you why! And how long will it last for - but one thing is I'm going to try my hardest and fight the fight. I know I can do it - I just need to get my head in the right space. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it!
I must admit just the thought of not achieving my little daily goals and having to admit to that on here is keeping me honest - long may it last as it is only day 2 but hey with the way I've been lately 2 good days is a success.
Tomorrow's goals - 4 glasses of water (not raising it yet; not going to push it you don't know just how much I loath water!); stick to points and track; exercise. So there you have it simple but achieveable. And achieve it I will!
Food for today so far
Breakfast - Cheese and Marmite on toast 5pts
Lunch - Cheese and Marmite on toast 3.5 pts (oh the variety of my diet) WW cookie 1.5pts
Snack - 2 pieces Cadbury choc 1pt (found in car so had to get rid off!! but hey I'm tracking it)
Water - four glasses so achieved that goal and not having anymore with the amount of times I've had to go to the toilet!!
Tea - Prawn stirfry with singapore noodles 5ts
Snack - Milkshake 2 pts Licorice 2 pts
20/20 for the day and I went for a 45 min walk.
Coming on here is good for my accountabilty even if noone ever reads it lol! How do people find out about new blogs - guess I'll have to stop being a lurker on the blogs I follow so that they may comment on mine. Anyway it's enough just to be a bit more accountable to myself anyway. I'm going to keep on going to Monday Weight Watchers meetings - I work as a weigher on Thursdays but you don't get much of a chance to listen in on meetings so will make effort to go on Mondays - she's a good leader and hey it's free so I'm silly not to take advantage of that. There have been a few lifetimers return lately to that meeting so at least I'm not alone in my journey.
I'm not so grumpy today but it's a challenge to stay on track - just can't understand once it was so easy - I lived and breathed weight watchers and always made the best choices - now it's the opposite and such an exhausting fight/battle to even stick to points and not rush out and buy junk food! Why I ask you why! And how long will it last for - but one thing is I'm going to try my hardest and fight the fight. I know I can do it - I just need to get my head in the right space. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it!
I must admit just the thought of not achieving my little daily goals and having to admit to that on here is keeping me honest - long may it last as it is only day 2 but hey with the way I've been lately 2 good days is a success.
Tomorrow's goals - 4 glasses of water (not raising it yet; not going to push it you don't know just how much I loath water!); stick to points and track; exercise. So there you have it simple but achieveable. And achieve it I will!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A better day ...
So today is going to be a better day - that much I am determined to achieve. I am grumpy with myself for letting myself go and fortunately I don't tend to overeat when I am grumpy - just when I am bored, lonely, sad, upset etc etc - pretty much everything else lol. I am going back to basics and only trying to focus on changing little achievable things for the next few days. Today and the next few days is to track and to drink water. I never ever drink water and don't really like it but I do realise a lot of the time I am eating because of thirst not hunger. Throughout my journey I have never drunk water so I know weight loss can happen without it but also know that it is good for me and that I need to try some new things this time round.
Tracking for today
Breakfast - Protein shake 3 pts
Lunch - Toast and homemade vege soup 5 pts
Snack - Kiwifruit 1 pt
Tea - Sushi 5.5 pts
Total -14.5 out of 20 (need to be that low to make up for previous 2 days pig outs!)
Back later with the rest of the day. Off to the hospital to visit Dad and then maybe to work to do some planning for next term - the life of a teacher eh on holiday again! Want to make some time for me this holidays to sort out my eating and to up my exercise to kick start me again - have wasted most of them so far! Well not strictly true only Tuesday and Wednesday eating wise so I need to focus on the other four days that were good and to commit to having more of the good days than bad. Keep on picking myself up. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it.
I'm back and have tracked rest of days food - going to get an early night with a good book. Drunk 3 glasses of water which while not a lot at all is 3 glasses more than usual. Baby steps I tell ya! Also rode exercycle for 30 min so all in all not a bad effort. Tomorrow's goals are 4 glasses of water, stick to points and to exercise. Wish me luck - I'm slowly snapping out of my grump too by the way! Man was I shitty with myself - just so disappointed and annoyed and frustrated - the list goes on! But with my little goals hopefully my positivity will come back from where it's been hiding for the last few months. And now for the mantra again - I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it!
Tracking for today
Breakfast - Protein shake 3 pts
Lunch - Toast and homemade vege soup 5 pts
Snack - Kiwifruit 1 pt
Tea - Sushi 5.5 pts
Total -14.5 out of 20 (need to be that low to make up for previous 2 days pig outs!)
Back later with the rest of the day. Off to the hospital to visit Dad and then maybe to work to do some planning for next term - the life of a teacher eh on holiday again! Want to make some time for me this holidays to sort out my eating and to up my exercise to kick start me again - have wasted most of them so far! Well not strictly true only Tuesday and Wednesday eating wise so I need to focus on the other four days that were good and to commit to having more of the good days than bad. Keep on picking myself up. I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it.
I'm back and have tracked rest of days food - going to get an early night with a good book. Drunk 3 glasses of water which while not a lot at all is 3 glasses more than usual. Baby steps I tell ya! Also rode exercycle for 30 min so all in all not a bad effort. Tomorrow's goals are 4 glasses of water, stick to points and to exercise. Wish me luck - I'm slowly snapping out of my grump too by the way! Man was I shitty with myself - just so disappointed and annoyed and frustrated - the list goes on! But with my little goals hopefully my positivity will come back from where it's been hiding for the last few months. And now for the mantra again - I can do it. I will do it. I want to do it!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
About me
Well where to start - a new page and hopefully a new beginning. I am starting this blog in the hope it well remotivate me on my weight loss journey. I don't want to go to much into the past because it is the present that matters and it is this that I am currently struggling so much with - suffice to say I know how to lose weight having lost 52 kg following Weight Watchers. I reached my goal weight of 62 kg two years ago now. I currently weigh about 70.5 kg. I never really was successful at maintaining my loss long term hovering around about 64 - 68kg more than the 62 in the two past years. My current weight is the heaviest I"ve got to and I swore to myself I'd never get back into the 70's again.
More disturbing is the fact that nothing seems to motivate me - I am eating really badly and to excess and it's a wonder I don't weigh more. I am just so disappointed in myself. I know I can do better but time after time after stringing a good few days together I just binge again. 6 months ago I had a fabulous five weeks in Europe and was so proud of myself as when I left I was 66.5 kg and I came back weighing 64.5kg - not many people can say they did that on holiday. My aim was to make the best choices possible and I did it and with all the walking the weight came off. But since then I have started a new job with a lot of stresses, have a terminally ill father and just to be honest have lost the plot completely.
I need to pick myself up no matter how many times I stuff up - I'm hoping I'll meet some people through here who can encourage me and likewise I can encourage you. I want to weigh 62kg again, I want to feel good in my clothes again. I need to get real and think that it's only 8.5kg not 52 kg to lose. I need to accept it will take time but it will be worth it in the end.
There's loads more I could say but that will do for now - I feel a little better for having written this - makes me see that I do really want to be successful and the only one that can do it for me is me. I need to stop this slide before all the weight is back on - I refuse to be one of those people who have lost all the weight to put it back on again.
I am sick of my life revolving around food and the guilt I feel for what I eat and how it is such a focus of each day - there is more to life than obsessing about weight and food. I am strong I can do this. I will do this. Please help me along the way!
More disturbing is the fact that nothing seems to motivate me - I am eating really badly and to excess and it's a wonder I don't weigh more. I am just so disappointed in myself. I know I can do better but time after time after stringing a good few days together I just binge again. 6 months ago I had a fabulous five weeks in Europe and was so proud of myself as when I left I was 66.5 kg and I came back weighing 64.5kg - not many people can say they did that on holiday. My aim was to make the best choices possible and I did it and with all the walking the weight came off. But since then I have started a new job with a lot of stresses, have a terminally ill father and just to be honest have lost the plot completely.
I need to pick myself up no matter how many times I stuff up - I'm hoping I'll meet some people through here who can encourage me and likewise I can encourage you. I want to weigh 62kg again, I want to feel good in my clothes again. I need to get real and think that it's only 8.5kg not 52 kg to lose. I need to accept it will take time but it will be worth it in the end.
There's loads more I could say but that will do for now - I feel a little better for having written this - makes me see that I do really want to be successful and the only one that can do it for me is me. I need to stop this slide before all the weight is back on - I refuse to be one of those people who have lost all the weight to put it back on again.
I am sick of my life revolving around food and the guilt I feel for what I eat and how it is such a focus of each day - there is more to life than obsessing about weight and food. I am strong I can do this. I will do this. Please help me along the way!
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