Grrrrr... angry!

Weighed myself today and was 69.9 kg that's up 1.1 dam kg since Wednesday!! Buggar that earthquake and stress eating. But no one forced the food down my throat it was all my doing. While I was in the shower getting all upset I realised in November it will be exactly 10 years since I started losing weight - when I weighed in at 114kg. It made me realise enough is enough - 1o years is too long to for this weight to be ruling my life. Because believe me it has - over the years I have stayed at home instead of going out with friends, I have had to sit at things and fight the desire to eat the yummy food, I have lived and breathed weight loss and all the feelings that go with it. Now don't get me wrong sometimes it was easy and I breezed through it - but other times it was the opposite and life sucked. Unfortunately I have been one of the people who has put life on hold until the weight is off. And that is so wrong. I've had enough of the weight ruling me - from now on I rule it and I'm going to live my life to the full. Yes I want to get the 8kg off and I will do it. I've joined an online weight challenge for six weeks to motivate me and I will continue to do the best I can. But I deserve to live - weight should not rule my life like it has. No more - I've sacrificed 10 years of my life to this - yes it was important and I am proud of my achievement but I am sick of it always being on my mind, always stressing about what I put in my mouth, always stressing about going out and being tempted. It wasn't always like this - I could go out and make good choices - it's just at the moment again that it is so hard. But then if I think back a number of times in my journey I've put on ten kilo and then taken them off again and more, and then done it again!! Will I ever learn. But weight has always been an issue with me right from the horrible bullying I received at school because of it when I was young. God knows I know I have a distorted view of myself because of all of this. But I am strong - I just need to ride this out - it's happened before and I've come through the other side so why not this time. It's what I want. But I also want to live and be happy and not avoid things. I will do this and I will do it by November and this time I will maintain. At least I haven't put it all back on!